We need to stop ‘acting our age’!

Have you ever been asked to “act your age”? Not sure how I would feel if someone did say that to me but I reckon I would actually be happier acting younger than my ‘actual’ age! Obviously I don’t want to go through potty training and puberty again, but ‘acting younger’ must have a whole bunch of benefits – “And Jesus said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I’m thankful for so many challenging yet encouraging conversations in response to my blog recently (National Trust vs Jesus’ Youth group) about the average age of church goers. Apologies to those I may have upset, not my intention, but I don’t apologise for writing it as I truly believe we (the whole church) needs to do better. Sometimes we need to be made to feel a little uncomfortable so that we can learn and see where we need to shift our position. The definition of madness is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. I believe we are in a time of ‘madness’ and so we need try something different, otherwise the outcome to our efforts will be the same as before. Nearly all of our churches are getting older, not younger, and so we need to prayerfully embark on some radical, creative, never-been-tried-before ideas.

I’m one of those people who believes there is no point in highlighting a problem if you are not willing to suggest, and be part of, the solution. So this blog is my attempt to offer some ways we can make some changes to draw younger people into our communities, and then invest and value them in the way we do church. I’m going to share four ways I think the wider church could think differently, and then four ways your own church could try a few things to prioritise kids and young people. Isn’t it worth trying some new things which may help lower the average age of your gatherings, and bring into our churches an environment of vitality, wonder, joy, youthful enthusiasm and life.

Four things the wider church could/should do!

1. Please can we create a support and resourcing structure that will enable youth ministry to receive investment, encouragement and engage in collaborative partnership in the local area. When I started in youthwork there was a ‘Diocesan Youth Officer’, his name was Dave and he was a legend. I’ve spoken about Dave before and I am unashamed to do so again. The DYO, initially Dave and then Dean (also a legend), was such a wonderful connection to the wider church and to others in ministry. We received regular training opportunities, we gathered for meals and to pray, we checked in with one another and we humbly supported one another’s events. By recreating theses types of roles it will also provide a much needed avenue, and new challenge, for those who have served youth and kids ministry for a number of years. We need their experience, learning and understanding to be passed onto the next generation of youth and kids ministers; the knowledge and stories they have are significant and will be a wasted resource if not given a platform to be shared. Surely the church should be about supporting and resourcing leaders, but also developing leaders, we have to find new pathways for this to happen.

2. We need to approach training differently. What about a place where individuals who feel called to the world of youth and kids ministry can join with others to learn, explore, train, experience, mentor and discover. For years I believe there has been an unhealthy weight of academia placed on those wanting to have serve as youth and kids workers. My issue is not with learning, of course not, I want to learn every time I enter a room with people. I want to see how they see the world, how they see God, how they see ministry, and then take that wisdom and add it to my own. I believe we will enable a Tribe of energised and equipped youth and kids workers if we allow them to see and experience ministry as they learn. Yes to take time to study, but to take more of their time sitting under ‘master builders’, those who have been in ministry for years, who have learnt and served and stumbled and grown, and who are willing to share their story and skills. In these mentoring spaces I believe an individual’s calling and expertise will grow in a way which is hugely sustainable but also built on the reality of youthwork in different spaces.

3. Create space where church leaders, whether in training or in post, and seasoned youthwork professionals can spend time, enabling both to be heard, listened to and encouraged. I’m not sure how many conversations happen between those training to be church leaders and those who have chosen to be professional youth and kids leaders. We teach theology to leaders surely we should also teach about the importance of youth and kids ministry. We need to keep these ‘lines of communication’ open throughout our ministry so that we can continue our sharing and learning as we serve in our chosen calling.

4. Affirm youth and kids ministry publicly and with funding. Serving the church as a church leader is amazing and should be encouraged and affirmed. But serving the church as a youth or kids minister is EQUALLY valuable, and I do not think we receive the support, acknowledgement or affirmation. If you are a church leader reading this, please know us youth leaders value you hugely. For too long youth ministry has been seen as a stepping stone to “proper ministry” (apparently it’s with adults); you have no idea how damaging and undermining this attitude has been and I know it has been partly responsible for the current famine of youth leaders we are seeing.

Four things your own church could/should do?

1. Shape a regular ‘main’ service around young people, planned by and led by young people. Not a youth service, but a youth-led service that blesses and encourages the whole church. How does your church invest in the whole family? There is great evidence in the ‘Sticky Faith’ research that says how gathering as the whole, broad age range is key to growth and fruit, but also for young people to feel part of the community.

2. Listen to your young people, go on a journey of discovery with them. Find out how they see faith, life, church. We can only ‘fix the problem’ if we know what it is, don’t guess, take time to listen to young people and consider how you can take on board some of their thoughts, struggles and ideas. I would also say make your priority listening to young people and not ‘fixing the problem’!

3. Use your building and congregation to find ways to connect with young people local to you. I know a bunch of places who have tried different things to connect with young people and kids. My friend Rob played basketball in his church car park as it’s on the route from the local school to town. A church ran a ‘chocolate stop’ because they also were near a school route. ‘Donut Club’ invited year 7’s into church to reconnect after they all started at different secondary schools. Another church hosted a movie afternoon in half term and 75 people turned up, most of them not linked to the church at all – it’s all about making a connection and giving an invitation.

4. Encourage all the adults in your church to notice, ‘see’ and engage with the young people you already have. The ‘Sticky Faith’ research talks about one of the key ways for young people to grow in faith but also stick around, is to be ‘seen and known’. It is vital we include and involve kids and young people in our gatherings. We need to welcome them, use them, include them, see things from their point of view. Evidence says that if 5 adults that are not direct family engage with a young person they will feel ‘seen and know’ and will continue to want to be part of the church community.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even have that many. But I do know we need to at least try something different, we need to try ‘acting younger’ and then maybe through some hard work, some creative and bold choices and definitely by the miraculous hand of our generous God, our churches will grow younger!

The National Trust vs Jesus and his youth group!

We’ve done it, the church has now officially an older average age than The National Trust! It was neck and neck for a while but after a recent surge of reduced investment in youth ministry we have finally managed to come out on top! I apologise for my sarcasm! We heard this week that the average age those who identified as “Christian” is 51, rising from 45 back in 2011. The average age of a National Trust member is 46, to be honest I thought it would be higher and that the church had some time before we took the lead!

Are our churches aware of the age they are aiming their services and activities at? Have we been building our ‘product’ around the demographic that currently exists in our church rather than the age range we hope and long for. The church predominantly aims at its average age, and interestingly each year it is getting older! There is only one direction this is going unless something innovative, bold and courageous is done. If we want to draw in people who are younger then effectively we need to shape our ‘product’ to a lower age group. We need to shape how we do community differently, maybe how and when we gather needs to change and what should our church services look like for a younger age range? I am not saying we change everything, absolutely not, some of what we do fits well and actually gathering a broad range of ages is essential for a healthy community. I glanced around my church last week curious about our own demographic. We had around 15 kids and young people (about average for us), we had 6 individuals between the age of 19-50, and the rest of the congregation were older than me (51), many of them a good few years older than me. Do we as a church aim at the 65 individuals who are in the 51+ age bracket or do we think creatively about how might keep our current congregation while also looking to enthuse and engage the under 18’s and their families, but also be a place where 20-40’s can be welcomed and thrive. Don’t get me wrong this is a huge challenge, but if we do not face it head on with some new thinking and different behaviour, all that will happen will be our teenagers will leave, the 20-40’s won’t feel included and our church will simply age gracefully.

Have you noticed that for almost the entirety of Jesus’ earthly ministry he was involved in leading a youth group, it was what he poured huge amounts of his energy and wisdom into! We forget how it was modelled so beautifully, honestly, in a raw and real way with the people Jesus spent much of his time with; the disciples. Most of the disciples were probably teenagers, that was Jesus’ model, he ran at youth group, he invested younger. Maybe he knew that when we get older we get more set in our ways, we’re stubborn, comfortable where we are and less aware of younger ages. Maybe Jesus knew if his story was going to have the greatest impact he would need to leave it in the hands of a generation that were fearless, creative, bold, flexible and more content with challenging the status quo than many of us.

Jesus led a great youth group, it involved residentials on boats and hillsides, it involved gift explorations in towns, villages and graveyards, it involved one-to-one mentoring up mountains, it involved dealing with challenge, failure and loss, all these things we know we need to have as part of a thriving, abundant, exciting youth group. Surely we want our churches to be that way also; a place where we can face challenge, failure and loss, a place where we can explore our gifts, a place where people are encouraged, ‘seen’ and invested in. Maybe the church in Acts 2 had an average age of 20 something which explains the dynamic, almost reckless but hugely attractive way of doing life. Whatever the age demographic of the early church was, it was less than 51, and they knew that by drawing in those of a younger age there would be a better chance of vibrancy, life, creativity, innovation and simplicity.

“Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

Acts 2:46-47

If we want our churches to be full of these young people then we need to, like Jesus, not only reach out to them but allow them to be involved in a discipleship journey that is exciting, life-giving, dynamic and will change lives, both their own and those around them. Sometimes I sit in church and if I’m honest I feel like the youthfulness is being drained out of me. We are not creating an environment for young people we are simply catering to those we already have.

But if we shift our mindset, if we engage with ‘Jesus The Youthworker’ and learn from how he did discipleship our church will ‘grow younger’ because our churches will have more young people involved in shaping it. Let’s not forget too that Jesus’ model wasn’t solely aimed at young people, he knew all of us would benefit from the discipleship journey he modelled. This isn’t guess work for me, I have witnessed what happens when you follow Jesus’ discipleship model, as I step out of the way I see young people released into new giftings, I see them leading with boldness and energy, I see them bringing their creativity and passion into church spaces, I see them coming alive as their value and purpose is embraced and magnified. I benefit from their growth.

If we do nothing our church congregations will simply just age alongside our buildings and before you know it the average age of church is a much bigger number. If that happens we might as well start selling scones and tea towels in our church foyers and only allowing those with a sticker to park. Apologies if I sound flippant, but unless we are almost shocked out of our trajectory, nothing will change. We need to be incredibly intentional about this, it will not happen by itself. Our church gatherings must look different, taste different and feel different and it will cost, but there is a greater price to pay if we do nothing.

As I think about the Acts 2 gathering, I reckon every age were present; young, old, kids, families, singles, marrieds, but all of them were affected by the energy and passion, boldness and creativity of this youth group, this Jesus-led Youth Group.