Daring Greatly.

We all long to be understood. We all want someone to be on our side and say “I am for you”. In just over 2 weeks time around 1000 youth leaders will be gathering in Birmingham for the National Youth Ministry Weekend. I don’t want to speak for all of them but I would guess many of them feel a little isolated and possible not able to say confidently that someone is unconditionally on their side. Whether these phenomenal youth leaders are paid or not, full time, part time or most of the time, they all need to know they are not alone. We speak about the youth ministry ‘tribe’ and I believe ‘the tribe’ is strong, loyal and active. But what each of us also need are allies and people who are for us as we serve, where we serve. Finding these people, even in our own churches can be a battle so we need to help people understand not only the needs of young people, but also our needs as those who serve them.

To often I am meeting and listening to youth leaders who are weary and wounded from words and comments from within the places where they serve. People commenting on their ministry who have absolutely no idea what it is like being a youth leader. Us youth leaders are not arrogant and unwilling to learn but we want a certain amount of empathy so that we feel heard, and understood and that we not alone in this calling.

I think what all of us need is to feel like we have been heard, that those we are doing life with, whether in church or in an organisation, have really heard us. We don’t want people just to hear us sharing what is going on in ministry and how we are feeling, we want people to intentionally listen. I was reading a psychologist sharing about the difference between hearing and listening, this is what they said; hearing is the passive intake of sound while listening is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds. Hearing is lazy, it is almost involuntary, it involves us picking up the sounds around us whether that is a dog barking, a police siren or indeed someone talking. But listening is intentional, voluntary and involves trying to make sense of what we hear. As we listen intentionally we may develop an emotional response, we may experience deep empathy, we may understand more of what the individual is experiencing and the impact it is having on them. As people listen to us they will be able help us make sense of the story we are in, they can ask questions that affirm us and let us know we have been fully heard. They can enable us to move through and forward aware that we are not alone.I want the church to do more listening and less hearing.

This quote by Theodore Roosevelt at a University in Paris is over 110 years old. It was spoken to a bunch of academics, politicians and navy officers. I have read it numerous times this week and feel this section – ‘the man in the arena’ would not be out of place if spoken to 1000 youth leaders. Also I think many of us would feel like the arena is a lonely place and the battle is taking its toll.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends themselves in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if they fail, at least fails while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” T Roosevelt.

I choose to be in the arena, I shall strive and spend myself, I welcome being ‘marred by dust and sweat and blood’ with the battles and adventures, each day choosing to dare greatly. Please, please do not look down from above and, with empty, thoughtless words, saying I could’ve done better or in a different way or for longer. Instead, know that I value wisdom and insight, know that I want to hear your thoughts, know that I cannot do this alone. Choose to know me and my heart, join me in the arena for a while, listen to me, hear my stories, journey with me for a time. Allow yourself to be immersed in the calling I have, then as allies and tribe, let us dare greatly together!

Mr Messy is a role model!

Do you have a favourite Mr Men or Little Miss book? One of my favourites is Mr Messy, what a truly unique and cheerful individual. But his life gets turned upside down by two guys, Mr Neat and Mr Tidy, who arrive uninvited and want to ‘fix’ his messiness.

I had a little wander through the Internet, looking around to see what people thought of the story of Mr Messy and it is so interesting to see how annoyed some people were regarding the treatment of Mr Messy. It was almost as if Mr Messy had a whole bunch of allies who thought he was actually fine being a little bit messy!

Do you know there are about 95 million photos and videos posted on Instagram every day, 95 million! I wonder how many of those photos or videos appeared online ‘unedited’? I’m guessing 75% of the photos or videos required 2, 3, 20, 50 takes to get just right? Maybe it’s even higher than 75% but that would be scary and insane wouldn’t it?

So why I am I talking about Mr Men and Instagram? Well, and I apologise now as I jump firmly and boldly onto my soapbox. In church and ministry we are obsessed with making everything look a little bit ‘Mr Neat and Mr Tidy’! Nowhere in God’s word do I read or see us being called to present a ‘Instagram-perfect’ life, and definitely not a perfect church gathering or youth group. Throughout the gospels Jesus spends most of his time reaching out the the ‘Mr Messy’ people, the doctor has come to treat the sick not the healthy. Even in the Old Testament God is pouring His promises into a whole range of broken, flawed people. God is working and moving within these broken people, He isn’t waiting for them to ‘get sorted’ first before He comes close and calls them to be part of His great story.

Last month I had the joy of helping lead an ‘all-age’ service, now I know that is a painful and tainted phrase for many people. But I think we actually did ok but the most encouragement I took from it was because of a young lad who came up and “interrupted” the talk. If I’m honest he didn’t interrupt, he simply had a ‘show and tell’ moment and wanted to share. It would have been so easy to have dismissed him and carried on talking. But looking up and seeing the panicked look on his mums face I knew this was a teaching moment for me. Kneeling down I took the paper aeroplane he had made and decorated, we had a brief chat, I thanked him and then watched him wander happily back to his seat.

These moments of ‘mess’ need to be embraced and welcomed because they remind us that our gatherings are about people, and all of us are a little messy at times (maybe more often than we’d like to admit). Rather than working hard to create an strict ‘order of service’ that you think people need, allow for spaces of genuine warmth and familiarity where God can freely move. Allow the wrinkles and blemishes and interruptions of each gathering to reflect the honesty and openness of your community.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,”

Hebrews 12:1

I wonder whether we are ‘entangled’ with the need to be and look perfect. What would it look like to ‘throw off everything that hinders’? I would say that trying to present a perfect Christian life, or a perfect Instagram-worthy gathering, is hindering us. Not only is it hindering us, it is another reason people might look inside our churches and think they do not fit in because they don’t look like us, they are all a bit too messy to join our gathering. But it is here we all need to be honest; we are ALL messy. We know God works in the mess, with the mess, so we need to allow our gatherings to reflect the simply truth that our real selves are the greatest witness to God’s miraculous, life-changing grace.

Our time together needs to be unedited, as we spend time being imperfectly real together we are giving God permission to move and welcome and heal.

“Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws but because we let go of seeking perfection and, instead, seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives. ”

― Michael Yaconelli

Let us strive to be real; not perfect, not neat, not tidy, not edited, but honest, open and real!

I believe in this ‘realness’ we will not only feel closer to God ourselves but we will be laying a bold red carpet and a wide open door to all those we long to welcome in.